The Wizard of Q
by hermione-of-vulcan
Summary: The Q Continuum is percieved by non-Q as a setting that describes the state of the Continuum. Right now, it is percieved to be the Land of Oz. And Picard is playing Dorothy. Standard disclaimers apply.
1. Teaser

Picard awoke when his bed hit the ground, which he found odd considering that he'd fallen asleep in his quarters. He sat up, taking a look at his surroundings. He appeared to be in a small, American Midwest farmhouse, circa 1930. Picard wasn't sure about the date, as this part of history was not his specialty. He soon decided it was more than it seemed because, in his sweep of the room, his eyes alighted on a small black dog (a terrier, Picard thought) regarding him intently.

"Hello there," he said to the dog.

"Hello, Captain," the dog replied in Will Riker's voice.

Picard sat down hard on the bed. Definitely not what it seemed. Just like everything else in the galaxy. "Commander?"

"Yes, it's me. I woke up here about when you did," the dog said.

"Do you know where we are?" Picard asked.

"We could go outside." Riker suggested.

Picard conceded the point, and they walked through the small house to the door. Picard caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror as he walked past one. He was wearing a blue checkered shirt and his uniform pants.

"Curious," he commented to himself.

They stepped outside, looking around at their surroundings. The sun was shining and the sky was blue, in contrast to the gray interior of the farmhouse. A quaint little village was arranged around a circle that consisted of two paths, one red and one yellow, spiraling around each other. Unnaturally large flowers in brilliant colors bloomed everywhere.

"Number One, I don't think we're on the Enterprise anymore."

**A/N Yes, short, because this scene just turned out that way. That's why it's a teaser, not a chapter.**


	2. Chapter 1: Come out and meet the captain

"I think I know where we are," Picard said, a smile forming on his face as memories of his childhood came back to him.

"Where?" Riker asked.

"Oz. Haven't you seen the movie? It's a classic." The captain turned his head, taking in the vivid blue brook, the enhanced flora, and the picturesque miniature houses.

"Oh, of course I have. But how could this be Oz? It's fiction!" For a dog, he looked skeptical.

"Well, wherever we are is pretty accurate," Picard said, looking off into the distance. "Down to the bubble in which Glinda traveled."

"Bubble?" Riker asked, then looked up to see a pink bubble alight on the ground, and a woman with reddish-brown hair wearing a pink fluffy gown and large silver crown emerge from it.

"Hello, Captain," she said, "Are you here to help or hinder?"

"With what?" Picard asked.

She sighed. "First of all, you should know you're in the Q Continuum."

"That explains everything." Picard said, his heart sinking at the memory of his dealings with the Q Continuum.

"No, it doesn't," she countered. "This is the Q Continuum as you perceive it, and right now, it is being terrorized by her."

She pointed to a pair of legs sticking out from under the house, wearing black-and-white striped stockings and ruby-colored shoes.

"Fortunately, your arrival decreased her power. How a human did that I don't know. Unfortunately, she has a partner."

A column of flame rose up in front of the Glinda-like personage, as if to prove her point. The green-skinned witch that had given Picard nightmares when he first saw her (he thought it was the laugh that did it) emerged and faced the pink fluffy witch.

"Q!" she snarled. "How did you kill my sister?"

"I didn't, the house did," Glinda-Q replied coolly. The Witch of the West turned to Picard.

"Then you—wait, you're a _human_," she said contemptuously, "Never mind, I'll clean up the Continuum later."

She strode towards the house with the legs sticking out from under it.

"Once I have my sister's shoes too…"she cackled as she reached to pull them off.

But when her fingers were centimeters away, the shoes disappeared.

Picard looked down at his feet. Riker laughed, a sound in between a bark and a laugh.

The witch's attention turned to him. "No! Those belong to me!"

"Don't give them to her," Glinda-Q whispered in Picard's ear.

"I won't give them to you!" Picard said firmly. He wasn't going to anyway. He knew how the story went.

"You see, you won't get him to do anything," Glinda-Q said smugly, "Now, you'd better get out of here before someone drops a house on _you_!"

The witch looked up quickly, then, realizing her stupidity, disappeared in the same column of flame as she had come.

"I'll get you, Picard!" she screeched as she was consumed by the fire.

Picard relaxed, which let his attention move to his new footwear. His eyebrows rose as he looked down at his red shoes.

"The shoes are a cache of Q power. They'll protect you on your journey to Q," Glinda-Q explained.

"The Q we know?" he clarified, since he had made the drastic leap to conclude that though she called herself Q, she was not that Q, because Picard was sure that Q would never humiliate himself by wearing a dress like that.

"Yes, I'm his mate," she explained. "He knows what the second cache of Q power is. As a non-Q, you'll be able to find it with less trouble, once he tells you what it is. Bring it back to him, and he knows how to use them to restore the Continuum to stability."

"And where is Q?" Picard asked, deciding to put the idea that Q had a mate out of his mind (because that thought was just too strange) and concentrate on the story.

"The Emerald City."

"And we get there by following the yellow brick road?"

She nodded and swept her hand towards it. "Go ahead."

Picard straightened his blue checked shirt, and he started down the yellow brick road, Riker at his heels.

**A/N This is going to follow the Wizard of Oz movie very closely. Just warning you, because if you haven't seen the movie, this fic will make no sense. Although you should have, if you chose to read this.**


	3. Chapter 2: If I Only had Engineering

Picard-Dorothy and Riker-Toto had been walking down the yellow brick road for about an hour or so when they came upon a cornfield. Picard stopped, remembering the story.

"What is it, Captain?" Riker-Toto asked.

"Let's see." Picard said cryptically.

They turned a corner and this time, Riker was the one who came to a halt.

"Geordi!" he cried.

"Commander?" Geordi asked.

"Hello," Picard said.

"Good that you came along, it was getting boring being stuck up on this pole."

Geordi was dressed in farmer's clothes with straw sticking out, and he was nailed up on a pole in the cornfield like a scarecrow. No, like The Scarecrow, Picard corrected himself.

"How can we get you down?" Picard asked, coming around him.

"There's a nail in the back. I'd have gotten myself down earlier, but I can't reach it."

Picard pulled up on the nail and the engineer sprawled on the ground, spilling straw everywhere.

"Are you all right?" Riker said, trotting over to him.

"Yeah, it's just this straw," Geordi said, picking some of it back up, "I can't move without it. " He laughed. "I would guess we're going to the Emerald City because you're Dorothy, and Commander Riker's Toto."

"Yes," Riker confirmed in a sad tone of voice, then updated him on events so far.

"Which means I'm the Scarecrow," he mused. The yellow brick road forked after the cornfield, reminding him of the movie-required watching in elementary school. "Should I tell you 'some people like to go both ways'?"

"No," Picard decided authoritatively. "We need to go the way where we will find the Tin Man. That way, we can continue the story."

"And get out of Q's home faster," Riker agreed. "Who do you think the Tin Man will be?" he asked.

"Well," Geordi said, pretending to be thoughtful. "Who do we know that's made of metal and wants a heart?"

They laughed, understanding, and took a left at the fork.

**A/N Hope that's a good enough explanation for everyone knowing what Oz is. **


	4. Chapter 3: If I Only had Emotions

"Oh, good, apples. I'm hungry." Riker said, as they came up on a grove of trees.

Picard reached up to pick a bright red apple off a bright green tree (he continued to marvel at the colors of the place) and almost immediately got his hand slapped back.

"What do you think you're doing?" the tree snarled at him.

"Should have seen that coming," Picard said to Geordi and Riker, then turned back to the tree. "I'm sorry, we were just hungry."

"How would you feel if someone came up and picked something off of _you_?" A branch made a grab for Picard's head, but finding nothing to "pick off" withdrew.

"Not very good, I would guess," Picard agreed, "but we're hungry."

"I've got it!" Geordi cried. Picard turned to look at him.

"He doesn't want those apples! They look terrible!" the engineer shouted, looking almost maniacal and a little out of character.

"What's this about my apples?" the tree asked indignantly.

"Wait!" He snapped his fingers. "It's not actually the apples, it's that he doesn't like little green worms!"

"Oh!" the tree cried, and began throwing apples at Geordi, who managed to catch some of them. Riker trotted over to one on the ground and began munching on it.

Picard gave Geordi a nod of appreciation, then walked away from the others to pick up some on the ground. As he reached for an apple, his hand hit something metal.

"Geordi! Will! I've found Data!"

Geordi and Riker ran over and Picard looked for the oil can. Though the basic shape of his face was still the same, his pale skin was covered with silver paint, his hair was covered with a tin funnel hat, and the rest of his body with large plates of the same material. He was frozen with the ax up, his head tilted to the side, and his eyebrows together. Geordi held back a laugh.

Picard found the can and oiled Data's mouth. "Thank you, captain," he said, "I found myself here several hours ago with this ax. I held it up to study it, and it began raining. I found I could not move, so using this evidence I concluded that I was somehow the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz and that someone would come to free me."

As he was speaking, Picard was oiling the rest of his body and somewhat regretting oiling his mouth.

"It appears that you are Dorothy, Captain, and Geordi is the Scarecrow. How did this happen?"

"Don't forget, Commander Riker is Toto," Riker said, and explained the situation as quickly as he could. Data nodded. His neck creaked as he did so, and Picard oiled it again.

"We should move quickly, so that the Q continuum does not collapse." Data concluded.

They walked back to the yellow brick road.

"Those shoes belong to me!" shouted the voice of the Wicked Witch.

"No, they don't!" Picard shouted back, rounding on the witch, who was on the roof of a small cottage in the road behind them.

"Oh, I'll get them someday," she said confidently.

"Not if we can help it!" Geordi said fiercely.

"Yes," Data agreed.

Riker barked.

The witch snorted. "You—"she pointed to Geordi "I'll stuff a mattress with you! And you—" she pointed to Data "I'll make you into a beehive!"

Geordi and Data remained calm, since those threats would have little effect on them, considering Geordi didn't really have straw and Data wasn't really hollow.

"You don't think I'm serious? Look out, Scarecrow!"

She pulled her hand back like she was going to pitch a baseball and threw a ball of plasma fire—an engineer's worst nightmare, doubled if said engineer was a scarecrow.

Geordi jumped back, and the plasma fire hit the ground in front of him, burning there until Data stamped it out with his metal boot, leaving a pile of scorched neon green grass.

"I warn you, we have powerful friends!" Picard said, half-bluffing, considering Q was best classified as an annoyance, not an enemy or friend.

"You certainly do!" she snapped, looking at his shoes and then, surprisingly, vanishing.

"All threats and not much actual following through," Geordi commented.

"Perhaps she is scared of the power the captain possesses by owning those shoes," Data speculated.

Picard nodded, smiling a bit at the silliness of shoes being a threat. "I'm glad I've managed to scare _one _Q," he said, half-joking. "Let's move on with the movie, shall we?"

So they advanced into the forest.

**A/N Data fits the part of the Tin Man so well, am I right?**


	5. Chapter 4: If I Only had the Honor

"What could we meet in this forest?" Picard asked, trying to remember the movie. Though he liked it when he saw it, it had been a while ago.

"The Cowardly Lion." Geordi said promptly.

"Though this story appears to be following the MGM movie, in the original book Dorothy and her friends met 'Kalidahs', tiger/bear hybrids," Data informed them. "In the illustration, they looked like tigers. This could be tiger territory."

"You said they were bears too." Riker pointed out.

"I think we're going to follow the movie and just meet the Cowardly Lion." Geordi maintained.

"But perhaps a tiger before that." Data reminded.

"Don't forget, bears," Riker added.

"Lions." Geordi said.

"Tigers." Data said.

"Bears." Riker said.

"Oh my." Picard added with a grin.

"RAWR!" Something growled and leapt onto the road, baring its teeth, and the threesome and Riker immediately retreated a few steps. Then the creature's expression softened a tiny bit, as much as a Klingon's expression could soften.

"Hello, Captain." Worf said.

His hair was long and tangled like a lion's mane, and there was hair on every bit of skin that showed under his Klingon armor. Added to his height, breadth, and ridged forehead, he presented a formidable image.

"It appears you are the Cowardly Lion." Data said innocuously.

Worf growled again. "I am NOT a Cowardly Lion!"

"The Cowardly Lion was not a coward, he simply believed he was." Data clarified, which seemed to appease Worf a little.

"But we are in the Q continuum, and this is not Oz." Picard said, and briefed him on the rest.

"We must go find _Q_?" Worf protested.

"That is the only way we can leave the continuum." Picard reminded him.

"Fine," the Klingon said reluctantly.

They pressed on, emerging from the forest a few minutes later, meeting no other lions, no tigers, and no bears.

"Look! It's the Emerald City!" Picard said, pointing.

"It's not very far at all!" Geordi added.

"We should run." Data suggested.

They did so, joyful that their journey was almost over. Data led, Worf followed closely, Picard and Geordi were about even, and Riker, with his small dog paws, panted in the rear.

When they were very close to the city, Picard abruptly stopped running. Geordi slowed, and even Worf brought himself to a halt. The tireless android Data turned to see what the problem was.

"I'm tired. I can't run anymore," Picard yawned.

"Me either." Geordi said, catching a yawn from his captain.

"I find it difficult to keep upright." Worf said, swaying where he stood.

"But Captain! Geordi! We are almost there!" Data said, sounding concerned. He knew what was happening, and this was the Q Continuum, meaning that it could affect them all if they didn't get out.

Riker was already asleep at Picard's feet, and the captain gave Data a look before swaying and dropping next to his first officer.

Geordi quickly followed suit, and Worf used Klingon control to stay up for a few more seconds before collapsing and snoring loudly.

Data looked at them. "Poppies," he remembered out loud. He bent down to pick up Geordi and carry him out of the poppy field, but as he got close to the flowers a strange feeling washed over him (something like being deactivated). He clattered to the ground next to his friend, his last thought being a musing that even he could be affected by the powers of Q.

**A/N This is my favorite chapter, just because of that bit at the beginning.**


	6. Chapter 5: The Merry Old Land of Q

_She had been outside the Continuum when it happened. Strangely enough, Q had been inside. Unusual for him. Yet he was, so when he called for help with his last scrap of power, she had come to help, risking her life by going in. But saving the Continuum was a noble duty, even if it involved helping humans. While dressed in a pink fluffy monstrousity. _

_Oh, Q._

_Oh, well. She did need to save them from sleeping death. So weak, she couldn't believe they were the only chance the Continuum had._

_She snapped her fingers._

Picard awoke to something fluffy and cold on his face. Brushing it off, he looked around and saw everyone else sitting up, marveling at the same thing—the snow.

"What happened?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Poppies, Captain. Like the movie." Geordi explained. "Can you hand me the oil can? Data's rusted again."

He almost managed to say that with a straight face. Picard smiled at the silliness of the situation and handed Geordi the oil can. Soon after, Data got up, adjusting his funnel hat.

They ran down the rest of the yellow brick road towards the Emerald City. Picard rang the bell and a door opened at the top of the main door, from which a man emerged.

"Can't you read?" the man snapped.

"Read what?" Picard asked, confused.

"The notice! It's plain as the nose on my—oh!" He picked up a sign and placed it outside, closing the door.

"Bell out of order. Please knock." Picard read, and knocked, hoping to be done with the silly charade.

The Guardian of the Gate appeared again. "What is your business?"

"We need to see Q." Picard said firmly. "We hear that he has useful information."

"Nobody gets in to see the wizard, not nobody, not no how!" the Guardian snapped.

"The double negatives imply positives." Data remarked to nobody in particular.

"We came from Q's mate. She gave us these." Picard gestured to his red shoes.

"Well, in that case…" The man disappeared and the door swung open. A carriage pulled up, drawn by a strange horse.

"Take us to Q." Picard ordered.

The driver smiled. "First, we'll take you someplace to freshen up."

Picard rolled his eyes. This wasn't going to help them leave the Q Continuum any sooner, and he remembered it as having no plot significance in the movie. But he dealt with it.

When it was done, he walked briskly to where they told him the throne room was.

"Look out!" someone in the crowd shouted. Picard looked around, then up.

The witch was flying over, expelling smoke from the back of her broom and flying in strange patterns. It took a few letters for Picard to realize it was writing.

"'Surrender'—surrender who?" Geordi asked.

She traced a P, then an I. A few minutes later, the message was finished.

"Surrender Picard," the captain read. "I won't!" he shouted.

"Maybe the wizard will know!" shouted a citizen of the Emerald City. The idea spread and the Enterprise crew found themselves being swept towards the Wizard's throne room by mob psychology. It was uncomfortable, but at least it was where they wanted to go.

The guard came up and yelled something familiar. "Nobody gets in to see the wizard!"

He then slammed the door shut.

"If only we had power here." Worf grumbled.

"We could," Picard mused. "Guard!" he called.

"I told you, nobody!"

"We are on a mission to protect the Q continuum. Two Q having more power than the others will cause an instabily that will cause the Continuum to collapse. Our mission is to restore the balance of power. But we need to get in to stop that."

"No, I can't let you in."

"If the Q collapse under the strain of having one Q more powerful than the others, the universe will collapse too, because the Q have such great power that they affect the stability of the universe." Picard didn't quite know all these things, but they connected and made sense to him. "_You_ wouldn't want to be the person responsible for the destruction of the Continuum, would you?"

If having trouble convincing a Q, appeal to the ego.

"All right, I'll let you in."

Picard grinned in triumph, and they walked into the throne room.

"I am Q, the Great and Powerful!" boomed Q's voice from the columns of flame on either side of his face.

"And I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard!" Picard shouted back, undaunted. "Q, what is the second cache of Q power that is in the possession of the Wicked Witch, and if we find it, will you send us back to the Enterprise?"

"Bring me the broomstick of the witch of the west, and I'll consider your second request!"

"We would have to kill the witch to get the broomstick." Data pointed out.

"Too bad, _Tin_ _Man_!" Q bellowed. "If you fail, none of you will get back to the Enterprise! Now, be gone!"

They ran.

**A/N Q's mate appears in Star Trek: Voyager, and she fit the purposes of this.**


	7. Chapter 6: I DO NOT Believe in Spooks

Each of them carried weapons taken from stores in the Emerald City (which contained any kind of weapon you could imagine, considering it was really the Continuum). Data's ax was newly sharpened, Worf had a bat'leth, Picard had a dagger, and Geordi found an old-fashioned pistol.

"I don't like this forest." Worf grunted.

"Scared, Worf?" Riker asked, staying close to Picard's feet.

"No, there is just something…strange," he replied.

"I do not understand. There is nothing dangerous here." Data said, and stepped forward. He was immediately hoisted up into the air, above the trees so Geordi, who rushed forward, had to squint upward to see him. His ax clattered down, and he followed soon after, making a loud clanking sound upon hitting the ground.

"I stand corrected," he told Worf, getting up unfazed.

They walked a bit further, and they heard rustling in the trees.

"Sounds like wings." Riker commented.

Picard stopped and furrowed his brow. There was something about wings at this point that bothered him.

That was when the flying monkeys swooped in.

Picard was lifted by two monkeys before he could draw his dagger, and Riker was grabbed by another, who ignored the bites. Data, Geordi, and Worf rushed forward to help, but the monkeys flew too high for a bat'leth, pulled apart Geordi's straw before he could fire (though he wasn't stuffed with it, he found he couldn't move without it), and delayed Data long enough for the monkeys carrying Picard and Riker to fly away.

"It seems they took the human phrase 'knocked the stuffing out of you' literally." Data said, picking up some straw and stuffing it back into his friend.

"They threw some of it over there and some there. Don't say it's me all over." Geordi grumbled.

"I was not going to." Data assured him.

"Good." Geordi said, sitting up.

"We need to go rescue the captain." Worf said fiercely.

"Which will also bring us to our intended destination—The Witch's Castle." Data said.

**A/N Strange how they manage to act the characters and themselves at the same time.**


	8. Chapter 7: Run, Commander!

"Oh yes, I have you now, and your little dog too!" the witch cackled to Picard. "Give me your shoes!"

"No."

"Well, then," She turned to her guards, one of whom carried a basket which Riker was desperately clawing to get out of. "Throw the dog in the moat!"

"No, don't do that. You can have the shoes." Picard corrected, half-wondering what would happen to someone thrown into a moat in the Q Continuum and then deciding he didn't want to know.

"Captain, don't!" Riker called. "The stability of the universe is more important than me!"

"Try to take them," Picard urged the witch, quite calm despite Riker's protestations.

She extended her green fingers greedily, but when her fingertips were only a few centimeters away, the shoes emitted an emerald light and she screamed.

"Very tricky power! Agh!"

The last was because she looked up. Her guard, distracted by the flash of light, had not noticed that Riker had succeeded in his attempt for freedom, and was running across the drawbridge.

"Raise the drawbridge! Raise the drawbridge!" she shrieked, and the frightened guard immediately began doing so.

"Run, Commander!" Picard encouraged. "Tell the others!"

Riker picked up his speed, and managed to jump the end of the drawbridge. The witch sighed. "Oh well, it's you I really wanted. And you're mortal, making you easy to kill!"

Quicker than Picard could react, he was dragged up to the tower room. He was getting rather irritated at not being able to fight back. Q was forcing him to play this game, forcing him to play the role of a helpless teenage girl.

The witch lifted an hourglass.

"You see this? When the sand runs out, you will die, and the shoes will be mine!" She laughed in the way that Picard remembered had frightened him as a child, and somewhat frightened him now, because she really could hurt him.

She left and bolted the door behind her.

Picard searched the room for anything he could use as a battering ram, but came up short. He even tried to lift the crystal ball, being carefully not to look directly into it. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of the Enterprise flying past, and Beverly Crusher on the bridge.

He sat down, to wait for Data, Geordi, and Worf, then found he couldn't sit still and started pacing the breadth of the tower.

He hoped they'd hurry.

**A/N FYI, in the book Dorothy escaped from the witch by herself.**


	9. Chapter 8: I'm melting, what a universe!

"Data, get your metal boot out of my face!" Worf growled.

Data moved it and they kept climbing up the towering cliff face in front of the Witch's Castle. It was slow going, considering that they were all wearing costumes, it was steep, and rocks had an annoying tendency to come loose now and then.

They heard a loud bark from somewhere above them.

"Commander, is that you?" Data called.

"Yes, it is," Riker's voice called back, and his black dog form's face peeked around a boulder. "There's a path here, just follow me."

Data, Worf, and Geordi followed him, the latter two glad to be off the cliff. "There's the witch's castle." Riker said, lifting a paw. "I escaped while the drawbridge was down."

They took a position behind a rock to analyze their options. Guards marched by, chanting menacingly, and Geordi shivered, glancing at his unfazed companions.

"The drawbridge is down now." Worf said, and started to get up. Data put a hand on his shoulder to hold him down.

"No, we must sneak in." the android said firmly.

"So much for that, they've spotted us!" Geordi said, pointing.

Three of the guards had broken off from the formation and were heading towards them. Data nodded to the others and lifted his ax. They understood and raised their weapons.

When the guards arrived, a short scuffle broke out, but a few minutes later, the threesome emerged wearing the Winkie guards' gear and carrying their weapons.

"Easy foes." Worf decided.

They managed to tag onto the end of the line marching inside, and Riker followed them.

Data directed them up the stairs once they were inside. There was a hallway on the second level and they went to the very end of it, to a door.

"Captain, are you in there?" called Geordi.

"Yes, I'm in here!" Picard shouted. "Quickly!"

Data started with the ax, but finally gave that up and punched the door, which splintered under his android strength.

Picard ran through and, skipping any joyful reunions, they raced off to find the witch and accomplish their mission.

They were met at the bottom of the stairs by a group of guards, effectively blocking every path with spears, and they came to a halt. No one knew what spears created by the Q could do, and no one wanted to find out.

"Any ideas?" Picard whispered urgently.

Geordi looked up at the chandelier, then his VISOR traced the ropes holding it up to a lever next to him. "The chandelier!" he told the captain.

The captain understood, and said "Make it so!"

Geordi flipped the lever, and the chandelier came crashing down, pinning the guards to the floor.

The Enterprise crew ran around the trapped guards and onto the outside of the castle. They raced one direction and found their path blocked. Panicking, they fled the other way and again found their path blocked by guards.

They were cornered, by the same trap as Dorothy and her friends.

The witch stepped out from behind her guards, and laughed the same chilling laugh. "I've got you now! I can kill you and that power will be mine! All mine!"

Geordi, Data, and Worf stepped in front of Picard and drew their weapons. Riker bared his teeth. They exchanged looks. They weren't sure what they could do against a Q, but they would try to protect their captain.

"So you want to die before him? Fine! We'll start with…the Scarecrow!"

She touched her broom to a torch on the wall and then touched it to Geordi's arm.

"I'm burning!" Geordi cried, his face contorting in pain.

As his crew would defend him, so Picard would defend them. He picked up a nearby bucket of water (how convenient, he thought), and in that moment power and understanding coursed through him. He splashed the water as hard as he could—making sure to douse the witch.

She screamed, a scream that seemed to reverberate through the space-time continuum. Picard briefly wondered what effect their escapades had had on the universe.

"I'm melting, I'm melting! Oh, what a universe, that destroys my beautiful power! Oh!"

She dissolved into a steaming puddle, with the hat on top.

Riker sniffed it. "She's dead! You did it, Captain!"

The leader of the guards poked the pile with his spear. "Hail! The Wicked Witch is dead!" he cried.

"Hail! The Wicked Witch is dead!" the others echoed.

"Anything you want from us?" the leader asked.

A gift from a Q was not something to take lightly, but Picard only hesitated for a moment. "Just her broomstick."

The leader of the Winkie guards held it out, and Picard took it.

"Back to Q, and then the Enterprise!" Picard shouted.

**A/N I hope everyone realizes I wrote this story to fit the movie, not necessarily to create a Q story.**


	10. Chapter 9: The Q Behind the Curtain

"Hello, Q! We brought you the broomstick of the Witch of the West! Will you send us back to the Enterprise now?"

Q's floating head glared down at Picard. "The Great and Powerful Q needs more time. Come back tomorrow, and I'll grant your request."

Any patience Picard might have had with his least favorite omnipotent entity snapped. "You had time while we were at the witch's!" Picard shouted back.

Picard faced Q's enlarged head with a determined expression on his face, and Geordi and Worf flanked him, equally incensed. But Data looked in another direction.

"Where is Commander Riker going?" he asked.

Everyone's heads turned to watch as Riker used his teeth to pull a curtain aside, revealing none other than Q, who dragged it shut again.

"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!" the projection bellowed.

Picard strode confidently over to the curtain and yanked it aside. "How fitting," he smirked. "The Great and Powerful Q, whose bark has always been worse than his bite, is a humbug wizard!"

"I assure you, this is not my natural state!" Q protested.

"How did it become your state?"

Q worked his controls furiously, then sighed. "When the Q—the witches—rose to power, they enslaved some of the Continuum. You saw them as guards and munchkins. They tried to enslave _me_, if you can believe it."

"I can, but I suppose they didn't succeed."

"No, I have such an irrepressible personality." Q said, his old grin coming back at the mention of himself. Picard rolled his eyes at the ego. "All they managed to do was imprison me here and weaken my powers, but I was cleverer than them. I knew this couldn't be solved by Q acting directly, so I decided to bring _you_ here, since you're the only human I'd trust not to botch this completely." He paused in thought. "I suppose Kathy would look good in a blue check dress, but maybe the sight of my mate would make her too angry to help. Anyhow, I thought of you first."

"I'm flattered," Picard said sarcastically. "So, Glinda actually was your mate."

"Glinda?" Q asked, then, as if he'd gotten a joke, he laughed. "Oh, yes, she was outside the Continuum when it began, so she hadn't lost as much of her powers. Did you like the Wizard of Oz analogy? My brilliant idea, of course."

"No doubt." Picard said flatly. "Can you send us back to the Enterprise?"

"Well, you see, Jean-Luc, that's the thing. I have very weak powers. Still infinitely more powerful than you, but—"

"I understand," the captain said, cutting him off. "Is there any way you can help us?"

"If you give me those caches of Q power," he challenged.

The captain sat down on an emerald staircase and slid the shoes off, handing them to Q along with the broomstick.

"Don't look!" The omnipotent entity tossed them into the air, and they smashed together and emitted a blast of blinding white light. He sighed in pleasure and snapped his fingers.

Another pair of red sparkly shoes appeared. Picard looked down at them in disgust.

"Wouldn't want your toes to get cold, would we, mon capitaine?" Q joked, and Picard put them on reluctantly. "Come outside."

Picard and his crew followed reluctantly into a courtyard, made of the same emerald material as everything else, but open to the sky. Q snapped his fingers again, and a crowd of people appeared. They shouted such phrases as "Great and Powerful Wizard!", "Eternal gratitude for saving the Continuum!", and "We love you!"

"Yes, yes, thank you, thank you," Q smiled, soaking up the attention and making his way (by clapping his hands and parting the crowd) to a podium in the center and stepping onto it.. The crew followed.

Q snapped his fingers again, and a bright green hot-air balloon emblazoned with the letter "Q" appeared on the podium with a flash.

Q got in the balloon.

"Fellow members of the Continuum! I am glad you appreciate my efforts!"

The crowd cheered, and Q bowed.

"But unfortunately, I cannot stay for long. I am an irrepressible entity, one that cannot be pinned down!"

The crowd cheered again.

"Oh, you do really want me to stay. Truly, I am gratified!"

"His 'modesty' is making me sick," Picard groaned.

"But I must leave you all! Good bye!" He waved his hands at the ropes and they untied.

"Wait!" Picard cried. He looked around at his three officers, then down at the ground. "Where's Riker?"

"Here, sir!" Riker said, fighting his way around the feet of the crowd, since Q had not parted the crowd for him.

"Get in!" Picard ordered everyone, then turned to see that the balloon was gone.

"Good-bye, Jean-Luc!" Q called from the balloon, soaring off into the into the air. "I'm freed from the Continuum! Free to explore the universe again! Free! Free!" His voice faded off into the distance, and Picard's optimism with it.

"I _knew _he wasn't going to help us." Picard sighed, putting his face in his hands.

"What's that?" Worf asked.

"What?" Picard looked up. "Oh, Q's mate. Glinda."

"An odd title, Picard, but I'll take it," she said as she materialized from the bubble. "As for a way out of the Continuum, you've had it all along."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Worf demanded.

"The shoes!" Picard, Riker, Geordi, and Data chorused.

Glinda-Q rolled her eyes. "Took you long enough."

"How do we use them?" Picard asked.

She rolled her eyes again. "You've used Q power before, Picard. The bucket of water."

Picard processed that while Lady Q tapped her fingers impatiently, reminding Picard of her mate and interfering with his thinking.

"It just…happened. Within the flow of the story! Everyone, link arms with me!"

They did so, and Data, who was on the end, scooped up Riker.

"There's no place like the Enterprise." Picard said, clicking his heels together.

"There's no place like the Enterprise." Geordi and Riker said with Picard.

"There is no place like the Enterprise." Data joined in.

"There is no place like the Enterprise!" they shouted, and the world spun around them, and they tumbled through blackness until the scene reformed into the bridge of the Enterprise.

"Captain! You're back!" Beverly Crusher said, getting up from the Captain's Chair and looking visibly relieved. "Everyone else too! Where have you been?" She glanced at their costumes. "Someplace interesting, I would guess."

"It's a long story." Picard said, by way of explanation.

"I look forward to hearing it," the doctor said.

**A/N Q is so much fun to write.**


	11. Chapter 10: No Place Like the Enterprise

"—So, of course, I was upset that Q had freed himself from the continuum without helping us. But that was to be expected. So I was thinking of other plans when Q's mate showed up again." Picard paused to take a sip of his tea. Beverly had insisted on him telling the story over breakfast. "She told us that we had it all along, and I remembered the story."

Beverly nodded, the corners of her mouth quirking. "I suppose you clicked your heels together three times and said 'There's no place like home'."

"No."

"No?"

"I said 'There's no place like the Enterprise'."

"And you came back. You know, you're not unlike Dorothy that way."

"What do you mean?" Picard said, confused.

"You would go to some place in the galaxy by accident that has great wonders, you'd stay for a short time, then you'd start asking 'Where's my ship?'."

"I couldn't abandon my ship and crew, not even if the place was as wondrous as Oz."

"Just as Dorothy can't abandon Aunt Em and Uncle Henry," Beverly said, completing her reasoning.

"I suppose so." Picard conceded. "So I was cast well as Dorothy. What about everyone else?"

Beverly laughed. "Data was the Tin Man. Lots of similarities there."

Picard laughed too. "Let's see: they're both artificial, and think they don't have emotions because they are artificial, but then act surprisingly human."

"Worf pretends he's very strong, but really he's not _that _frightening." Beverly added. "And Riker's loyal to you like Toto is to Dorothy. Geordi—I don't know."

"Maybe it's in the books." Picard mused.

Beverly got up and went to the computer. "Computer, give me a copy of _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_ on this data padd."

Picard got up too. "Computer, send a copy to Commander Riker, Lt. Commander Data, Lt. Commander LaForge, and Lt. Worf."

"Sending." The computer said. The text appeared on the data padd.

Picard and Beverly leaned in to read.

**A/N The reason for Geordi's casting as the Scarecrow was partly process of elimination, and partly that, in the books, the Scarecrow and Tin Man are friends like Data and Geordi are friends. I will also take this opportunity to recommend the books. You don't have to read all fourteen.**


End file.
